Matrimonial Advertisements – Spread across caste and creed, weight and height

Someone truly observant once remarked how India’s demographic changes every few kilometres. You would ask, “Do I really have to tour through every nook and union territory to learn about its diverse races?” No; just lay open a stream of matrimonial ads in your morning newspaper. 

A trend initiated by Malayala Manorama, this thought leader extracted the taboo off the admittance of spinster-hood. It announced - If you’re single and not scared to admit it, come buy a 2 X 3 sq. cm. space and live happily ever after. Thus began an influx of listings involving mortifying honesty, raped and battered precis writing, and comic material you could narrate at your laughter clubs.

One of the most profitable pages for a newspaper, it attracts the maximum number of advertisers that could possibly fit on a broadsheet. Mainly divided in Wanted Groom and Wanted Bride sections, it’s the sub-sections that really astound you - Kayastha, Vaish, Khatri, Kumauni and what not. Then come families wanting to marry within their surnames - separate sections for Agarwals, Agarwal-Bisa, Maheshwari and Arora. If you think that’s not specific enough, the pages tactfully divide themselves for the Mangliks, divorcees, widowers, green card holders, MBAs and doctors. 

Some of you may recall playfully asking for ASL (Age.Sex.Location) on chatrooms. Simply replace that with BHP (Biodata.Horoscope.Photograph) to become an AMM (Arranged.Marriage.Material). In an era where compatibility is described by likes and dislikes, the matrimonial ad industry regards Veg/Non veg as a must mention in a 15 word ad. It starts to get bizarre when a 57 year old widower with 3 sons requests a woman “with no liabilities”. Terminology of key importance here, most grooms are looking for an “alliance” with a “very fair, very beautiful” bride. “Caste no bar” is occasionally put as an afterthought by those that are stigma cases in the purview of the society. Geographically dictated, some brides state their country of preference – USA, Canada etc. Their demand is eagerly reciprocated by Gujarathi grooms willing to settle there. Makes you wonder if one should mock their superficial demands or laud them for knowing exactly what they want. How many of us can fit the description of the Man/Woman of our Dreams in 1 and half line? It’s an art.

TOI lays a footer on its Matrimonial Ad page saying – “Do you really want a partner who doesn’t read The Times of India.” Yes. That’ll be my criteria.