Someone
truly observant once remarked how India’s demographic changes every few
kilometres. You would ask, “Do I really have to tour through every nook and
union territory to learn about its diverse races?” No; just lay open a stream
of matrimonial ads in your morning newspaper.
A trend
initiated by Malayala Manorama, this thought leader extracted the taboo off the
admittance of spinster-hood. It announced - If you’re single and not scared to
admit it, come buy a 2 X 3 sq. cm. space and live happily ever after. Thus
began an influx of listings involving mortifying honesty, raped and battered
precis writing, and comic material you could narrate at your laughter clubs.
One of the
most profitable pages for a newspaper, it attracts the maximum number of
advertisers that could possibly fit on a broadsheet. Mainly divided in Wanted
Groom and Wanted Bride sections, it’s the sub-sections that really astound you
- Kayastha, Vaish, Khatri, Kumauni and what not. Then come families wanting to
marry within their surnames - separate sections for Agarwals, Agarwal-Bisa,
Maheshwari and Arora. If you think that’s not specific enough, the pages
tactfully divide themselves for the Mangliks, divorcees, widowers, green card
holders, MBAs and doctors.
Some of you
may recall playfully asking for ASL (Age.Sex.Location) on chatrooms. Simply
replace that with BHP (Biodata.Horoscope.Photograph) to become an AMM
(Arranged.Marriage.Material). In an era where compatibility is described by
likes and dislikes, the matrimonial ad industry regards Veg/Non veg as a must
mention in a 15 word ad. It starts to get bizarre when a 57 year old widower
with 3 sons requests a woman “with no liabilities”. Terminology of key
importance here, most grooms are looking for an “alliance” with a “very fair,
very beautiful” bride. “Caste no bar” is occasionally put as an afterthought by
those that are stigma cases in the purview of the society. Geographically
dictated, some brides state their country of preference – USA, Canada etc.
Their demand is eagerly reciprocated by Gujarathi grooms willing to settle
there. Makes you wonder if one should mock their superficial demands or laud
them for knowing exactly what they want. How many of us can fit the description
of the Man/Woman of our Dreams in 1 and half line? It’s an art.
TOI lays a
footer on its Matrimonial Ad page saying – “Do you really want a partner who
doesn’t read The Times of India.” Yes. That’ll be my criteria.
