Heartbreak: No Vaccines Available

Timespan

(Period of relationship) divided by (No. of eye candies around) multiplied by (No. of months you had it coming)

Also Known As

Bitchface phase, End of the world, Post-Dementor disorder

Symptoms

• Subject finds it hard to focus; many are known to send 'PFA this document' emails without an attachment.
• Subject showcases baffling indifference towards free food, alcohol and Masterchef Australia
• Stoic demeanour over the possession of new clothes, gadgets, or the bank’s SMS of salary being credited
• Subject forms a clingy, parasitic relationship with his phone screen
• High relatibility to zombies in post-apocalyptic movies

Side-effects

• Subject quickly engages in a rebound relationship with his blanket
• The sound of other people’s advice may register as nails being scratched over a blackboard
• Inability to laugh out loud at Impractical Jokers, Comedy Central
• Loss of interest in elevator small talk (actually this one is not directly linked to heartbreak, but heartbreak has been found to lower patient’s tolerance for bullshit)
• Some patients have reported strengthened brain muscles; that were given constant exercise by running over the same memory 287 times

Cure

A new and experimental drug usually found at gyms, parties and the 167th Tinder profile you swiped right to.

This drug is entrusted to keep your mind busy and off your illness. This drug is usually better to look at.